Bitter Barbie

It was 45 fricking degrees Celsius on New Years Day (105 degrees Fahrenheit) and after a fairly good sleep I was raring to go. I contemplated going to Bondi or maybe Boy Charlton pool, but I couldn’t motivate a single soul I know to do anything beyond sitting in an air-conditioned pub drinking beer.

All was well until I discovered that the person tasked with buying tickets to Homesexual at Home quite some weeks back, had failed to come up with the goods. I’d heard that the party had sold out weeks ago, but Barbie’s resolve to get into that party was strong! I figured that scalpers would be selling tickets at the door. No big whoop!

So we arrive at the party a little before 8pm, Guess what? Not a single scalper to be seen as far as the eye could see. There were, however, two very tall drag queens on the door. Drag queens in Sydney are very different to drag queens in Melbourne –
1) They’re good looking
2) They’re friendly

Apparently they weren’t planning on releasing any more tickets for sale at the door, which sort of foiled my back up plan. Well reader, desperate times call for desperate measures. Thankfully, after batting my baby blues at her for a good solid 5 minutes one of the DQORES (Drag Door Whores) relented and sold me two tickets on the sly. The sound of boyfriends bickering about the lack of tickets could be heard on the gentle breeze as we made our way past the velvet rope. Mission Accomplished!

The party was a little slow to start with, but it ended up being a veritable who’s who of Sydney. Doctors. Lawyers, Porn Stars – you name it, if they weren’t in Bryon Bay they were there. The music downstairs was great – really superb! A fun and flirtatious evening ensued, and at one stage I’d thought that the stars had aligned to deliver me a tall handsome man with a nice physique and a cheeky smile. We chatted briefly – we danced suggestively. He recognised me from Melbourne (he lives in the same suburb as I do), but then in an ironic (Alanis Morisette sense) the man of my dreams introduced me to his beautiful wife (or in this case, adorable husband). I’ve participated in my fair share of threesomes, but Barbie has eschewed that type of behaviour – so that, my friends, was that.

Talking of temporary memory lapses (“Oh, didn’t I mention that I have a boyfriend”)….. can someone please explain this gay phenomenon where some guy won’t give you the time of day at one of these parties, but the moment you encounter them at some establishment of ill repute there’s suddenly unparalleled interest? Case in point – J.A., an American porn star of some note 10 years ago that now resides in Sydney, and these days more closely resembles a desperate housewife. At dance parties he’s a study of cool, reserved, aloofness, with a bad attitude and an impossibly smooth forehead. J.A. is the type that wouldn’t piss on you if your hair was on fire, but run into him at Headquarters on Crown (as I did the next day), and he’s prepared to engage in depraved acts that are so base that I’m fairly sure that they would take the natural curl right out of your hair! What ever this phenomenon is I’m fairly sure that it’s closely related to gay amnesia (I know that you know what I’m talking about) – don’t EVEN get me started!

I had great times in Sydney and I’ve had very average times in Sydney, this time however, I had an absolute blast! Arriving in Sydney a few days before New Years gave me the opportunity to enjoy some fantastic weather and one of my favourites beaches in the world – Bondi.

For New Year’s Eve my friends and I decided on a night of dancing and enhancing, so after a few drinks and a wicked fireworks display we headed out to the Midnight Shift. I love the Shift – it’s a Sydney institution, unpretentious, with a great big sleazy streak. My sister refers to The Shift as “A great hunting ground” – she’s right! Wayne G (from the UK) played most of the night, and I knew he was in form when he started his set his with Hung Up (Madonna) mixed in Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (Abba), back to Madonna, Abba, Madonna…

The crowd was attractive and it wasn’t long before I found myself lip locked with a very handsome young man. This provided my friends with no end of amusement, who have rather unkindly started referring to me as “The Twinkalator”. This is a misnomer and they are completely mistaken. Besides can I help who is attracted to me?

I ended up leaving The Shift a little before 5:30am, and what a surreal experience the walk home was. The sun was beginning to make its presence known and Oxford Street was PACKED full of party goers coming home or enroute to their next destination. I got home, showered, prepared a cup and tea and sat on the balcony watching the sunrise over Sydney on the first day of 2006.

Wow..my own blog. How did this happen? After months after voyeuristcally sitting in the grand stand I have an avenue to express, vent and post even my most inane observations. How cool.My good friend The Prince is responsible for this blogspot. He’s even responsible for posting the less than flattering photo of me in the red, fitted and stunningly simple Dinnigan. It’s not like I dress like that all the time – it was Christmas and several bottles of very expensive bottles of pink champagne had been consumed!

I need to consider how I’m going to start this blog. My initial thoughts are that it should start at the beginning of 2006. Until next time – hey let’s be careful out there.